I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
