Your tits are I can't wait for
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
