I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
