my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
