miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
