I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My hand turned me down
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
