the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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