we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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