update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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