proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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