The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
