It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
