with your own penis?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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