Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
