You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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