watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize