I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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