Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Buhtt sex?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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