Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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