my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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