Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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