Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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