I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
