I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Holy sore nipples Batman
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
