A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
