Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
