I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
