the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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