____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
