The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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