he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
