I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize