Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize