There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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