I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
