He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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