I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize