he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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