i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize