I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
