Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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