my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
