I heard we made out
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm like, not good at living.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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