WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
