so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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