You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
