im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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