What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
