she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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