Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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