Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
