you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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