Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We were destined to go to rehab together
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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