I got her a Nickelback box set.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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