We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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