Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
