this boner is exhausting
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
