Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize