used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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