Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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