sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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