The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
