bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
