I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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