we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
