Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
